The Day Mommy Went Postal.

Mommy lost it today. I saw a glimpse of the teenage years and it was ugly!

It was so rough that at one point I just had to get out of the house. I made a no talking rule (which no one listened to because apparently I speak Greek) and then we left to run an errand which did not require me to leave my car. So because of the fact that I was rushing to get out of the house before my head exploded and since I didn't have to get out of the car, I wore this:

Don't judge me. There was no chocolate, screaming kids, and hormones... lots of hormones. (Don't judge my dirty rug either, our vacuum broke).

But tonight on the way back from The Walmarts, which could be it's own separate rant, I realized how blessed I am. So rather than harp about the past, I'm going to harp hope for the future.

1. I hope that my kids learn how to listen (ha!) ok.. now I'll get serious.
2. I hope that Princess Girly Girl keeps dancing, even when people are watching.
3. I hope that Princess Goofy never looses the way she looks to the side when she's trying to tell you something. and the hand gestures. those make me smile so much.
4. I hope Princess Newbie keeps her mischievous spirit.
5. I hope that my kids will love God because they choose too, not because of family tradition.
6. I hope that they get to see their parents grow old together. (Damion is half way there!)
7. I hope that modesty is their strength.
8. I hope that they will always be close.
9. I hope that they will be positive people.
10. and I really hope that they never all get hormonal all at the same time! (teens... )

Head Bangin'

Today was one of those bang your head on the wall type days.

First Princess Girly Girl decided to see how much her momma would fall for during home school lessons.

Here was her math problem:

0 + 9 = ?

There's little blocks for her to color and count since she's just now learning addition. It's pretty easy, right?

So first I say, "what's 0 + 9"? She colored all her little squares, nine of them, counts them and then says, "four?".  Really? Really? She just counted all the blocks to nine and she guesses four?  Then she just started guessing random numbers, "um...5, 10, 12, 2?". 

She had just counted to nine! So finally I help her out with the answer since she really knows it and I'm tired of that game. So then she starts a new game called, "I don't know how to write a 9".   OK.. so just look at the problem and figure it out. Once again I ask her what the problem is and she says, "0 + 9 = ?". So now that you've been reminded what a nine looks like, write the nine. And she wrote 12.

*Bangs head on wall*

Repeat above discussion with reading lessons and the word "mat".  She told me she can't read "mat" because she doesn't know how to read yet, right after she had read it for me.

*developing concussion*

Then I had to call our old insurance company which has an computer answering system. A really sweet womanly voice answers and starts asking questions. It never fails that I forget it's a computer until I give too much detail to the question and then it says, " I'm sorry.. did you say that the date of your birth is August 4th, 1902?".  Yes. yes. I am older than dirt, thanks for reminding me.

It's around this time that I always start screaming into the phone, "I WANT TO TALK TO A HUMAN!!".

To which the lovely computer generated voice replies, "I'm sorry, did you say that you are moving to Madrid?" um no. try this again.

*about to pass out from banging head on the ground*

"I want to talk to someone with skin and hair".  "I'm sorry, did you say.. I like to flip and stare?"

OK. that's not what she really said but it is much more annoying than that.

Finally after about five requests to talk to a human, I finally get connected to a living breathing human being. The good news is that there are actually warm blooded individuals working for insurance companies, in case you didn't know. (sorry if you work for one, I'm just frustrated).

Goodness Gracious! it's days like these that I want to move to Alaska alone, living naked in a tee pee, free of all tables and walls.

And this picture? ahh.. just because it's fun and because I love this boy. If we ever had a boy, this is what he would probably look like. Better get a good look though because it's not likely to happen. (No, I'm not pregnant... don't have my sister slyly ask so you can get the inside scoop on it)

Sorry sweetie, I had to do it. Remember the smiley face boxer photo you sent out to all our friends in family? That was much worse.

No Starbucks For You!

Oh what a day. I seriously don't even know where to start.

First thing this morning I put Princess Newbie down in the office to play while I checked my email. I had not even glanced in the mirror or brushed my teeth yet. I got up from the desk and walked to the hall for one second to tell the older princesses something. When I came back I noticed a huge brown spot on the floor. It took me a minute but I quickly realized that Princess Newbie's diaper had exploded. Good thing that I keep carpet cleaner close by at all times. I cleaned up the spot and went to the bathroom to wash my hands. It was then that I first glanced in the mirror for the day and realized that sometime during the night Princess Newbie had thrown her dinner up all over my shirt and it was now a nice dry brown noodlish patch all over my shirt. Oh joy. I hadn't even had my coffee yet.

As I was in the bathroom, washing my hands and every other part that had touched the dried brown stuff, one of the older princesses started rattling the wooden baby gate that we have at the top of our stairs. She had gone downstairs and gotten stuck there when I closed the gate so Princess Newbie wouldn't fall down the stairs. She never told me she needed up, she was just rattling it back and forth. I told her to wait a minute and I would be right there. Apparently she was experiencing a bathroom emergency and had less than that minute because I quickly got to use that carpet cleaner on the top stair of the house. really? yes, really and it wasn't pretty.

I figure that this day is a wash so far so I better get dressed and get going so that it can come to an end faster than it had begun. So I slip on clothes and run downstairs to round everyone up so we can go to the store. That's when I found the fountain of anti youth. Also known as my older dog had peed a puddle the size of Lake Travis on the kitchen floor. This time I had to get out the hardwood cleaner.  At this point I am seconds away from needing a straight jacket and figure the faster I can get out and the door and get to the starbucks drive thru, the happier we would all be. Or so I thought, if only I hadn't had to leave the house via the front door and find the pile of cat poop on the front porch from my neighbors cat. At least I didn't step in it.

At this point I just sit and ponder if the world is trying to send me a message such as, "You are crap..." or maybe just a little "crap of the mornin' to ya". I have no idea but I decide to be positive and be thankful that the only body fluid I have not cleaned up is blood since that is usually a worse situation than the other body fluids.

I finally did reach starbucks but my drink was too hot to drink so I only took one sip and then decided to let it sit in the van while I was in the store and I would drink it when I came out. But Princess Girly Girl noticed too quickly that the store we were going to was actually the toy store and in her excitement she knocked over my coffee and never noticed that it was spilling all over my car's console. I could not even make this stuff up. In my last ditch attempt to get some form of caffeine, of which I am slightly addicted, I ran thru the taco place on the way home to snag myself a little caffeine inhanced pick me up. It wasn't until I got almost all the way home and realized that I had gotten the Princess' caffeine free drinks but they had forgotten to give me mine.  Still not joking.

The day did improve greatly. I was able to finish sewing a dress for Princess Goofy that I started two months ago before my sewing machine broke and the girls were absolute angels today. It turned out to be a pretty good day after all.

But His Royal Highness did say that my day should be turned into a made for TV movie. I agree but only in Julia Roberts could play me.  I look like her right? right? hello?

Ring Pop Glory

I try to be a positive person but some days I fail. Today was one of those days.

It started poorly when I was woken up by a kid that just couldn't stop coughing. It wasn't an emergency but I was sickly too and just wanted a little more sleep. Instead I got a beautiful princess curled up in the middle of our bed who coughed every 5 seconds. Really, I counted.  It was an early start and everyone was grumpy because of  the early start.

We did go to lunch with His Royal Highness which was nice but eventually it started going downhill again. After lunch I headed down hwy 59 into the scary part of Houston to stop at a cake supply store. There is a group here in this area that drives me insane! Or it's not really any one group anymore, it's several. They all stand on the street corners and ask for money for their christian group. They walk amongst the cars when the light is red and knock on your windows to try and get you to give money. I've looked into one of the groups and it's extremely shady. It's even listed on the IRS's website as not legally allowed to take money as a charity. They are everywhere! I see them at least once a day. Well today one of these guys knocked on my window and told me to roll down the window. I politely answered, "no thank you" and turned away. The guy knocked again and then started yelling at me. He was yelling at me! I pulled up a little to where he was behind our van but he started following, still yelling. I was scared and looking for my phone to call the police but the light turned green and I got out of there as fast as I could.

I finally got to the cake store and accomplished my task for the day but leaving was a problem once again. There was a seat belt issue with Princess Goofy and I had to pull over in a pawn shop parking lot to fix it. Once again, I was in a very scary part of town. If you see a news crew there, run. Without having to do a long explanation, I moved one of the seats in the van to fix her seatbelt and the seat did not lock back in place but I didn't know this. I got back in the van and was going start / stop in heavy road construction traffic. Princess Newbie had been fussy since we left the cake store but every time I braked the seat would go sliding forward and make a loud banging noise. Every time I accelerated the seat would go sliding backwards and make a loud bang. Needless to say, with every bang, Princess Newbie cried louder and louder. I finally got the seat fixed and proceeded home with a fussy baby.

Then when I was in front of the Houston Galleria someone decided to change lanes without looking. Yeah, it was my lane that he forgot to look at. It was the closest I have come to a wreck in a long time. Someone is definitely watching out for me today. Well that and my stylin' driving skills. Just kidding.

Finally with more wailing and tears, mine and Princess Newbie's, we reached home. A place of solitude and rest or on days like today, a place where the dogs had torn into the trash bags in the garage. This mainly happened because our neighbors stole our large plastic trash bin awhile back. It's not smart to steal your neighbor's trash bin. Hello! we see it out there every single trash day, we know it was you! Not to mention the fact that I was wearing a flowy top and realized that while I was picking up the trash in the garage with the garage door open, the neighbors that have security cameras aimed at our house were getting a full view of nursing bra utopia. Enough said.  These are not the neighbors that stole our trash bin, different neighbors, still wacky.

This day could have ended poorly like it had started. I admit I let my attitude go downhill. But the best news is that seven years ago, I found a handsome prince. His Royal Highness took the time to spend with me and encourage me tonight.  My night was instantly better. But I'm not going to tell you what he said because that is for me to know and you just to wish you knew.

The best part of the night though was when Princess Newbie went missing. I knew I had left her in the living room while I was picking up in the kitchen but I couldn't find her when I came back in to check on her. Then I saw these little toes peeking out from under the coffee table... I bent down to see what she was doing and she was sitting under the coffee table eating a Ring Pop! I don't know what made my heart beat faster. The fact that she was small enough to fit under the coffee table or the fact that she had stolen a Ring Pop and hid under the coffee table. I love this girl!

I promise tomorrow not to let my attitude defeat my day. I also promise to stay away from all intersections that may have scary men... in fact, I'll just stay home and maybe I'll even steal our trash bin back!