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Clumsy Crafter: Snakes on a gate.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Snakes on a gate.

This post WILL NOT contain a picture of the subject matter because then I would wet my pants. I already clean up enough body fluids every day from my three kids.

The subject is: Snakes. Ugh. I literally shutter at the word. It is a fear rooted deep within me that I really wish would go away. My fear of snakes is the #2 thing that I would change about myself if I could.  The number one thing is the size of my butt but we won't go there tonight.

This weekend I wrote about finding a brown snake in our flower bed. Today we had some men here removing an old sidewalk and they found another brown snake under it. I had already told them not to tell me if they find a snake because I'm scared of them. So when I asked, "did you find any snakes", they said no. But then they left the dead snake in the grass right by where I get out of my van. Long story short, Damion was telling the girls tonight not to let mommy see the snake because I'm afraid of them when Princess Girly Girl thought it would be funny to chase me with it. I hate with every bone in my body the feeling that I get when something like that happens. It was so fearful and yet the snake was dead and only about a foot long. Honestly I cried about it. One of our biggest fights right after we were married was because I locked Damion in the backyard when he chased me with a little garden snake.  He did not understand how afraid of them I was and he thought it would be funny. I didn't lock him back there to get back at him, it was just my reaction to run and lock or block any entrance between me and the snake.

So not long after I had that lovely experience outside this evening, I came in and opened to email to find a funny email. It was about a snake experience and it was funny because I can relate. Really it's a very well written and funny email anyway but if you have any type of snake phobia... it just gets funnier. I laughed so hard I almost cried again. Below is a copy of the email but I can't tell you who wrote it and dog names have been changed to protect the innocent.  Enjoy and beware of snakes!

Bobbie, I had a snake encounter last night and I thought about you. It was right at dark and it was storming here. I walked thru the back yard to open the side gate to let Fido in. I had my hand out to open the gate when I saw something really long draped around the top of the gate and the remainder of it was dangling down. I was trying to figure out if it was a rope or possibly the hose.......... Suddenly I realized I was looking at a snake. I seriously think I left a trail of turds on the sidwalk. I ran back in the house and locked the door. Seriously, what good is locking the door going to do but I was panicked. I've been too afraid to go in the back yard ever since. I won't even open the patio door. Fido's dog food is out there but she's been getting cat food because I'm too scared to go out there to get the stupid dog food.

hmmm... hope they don't expect me to come visit anytime soon.

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